Tired and burnt out. Only a bi…

Tired and burnt out. Only a billion more calls and a zillion more months of residency to go.

I wish I could talk to my patients with as much finesse as scripted television medical dramas.

The term “bitch” has come up a lot lately. I am guilty of using despite my most ardent feminist leanings. Habit is hard to break. When I refer to myself as a bitch I sometimes feel as if I am hiding behind something. It’s hard to take a stand for something. Being out there and saying what you feel/think puts you at risk for being alone. I think that I avoid this risk by calling myself a “bitch” attributing my behavior to unpleasant and unwanted female behavior rather than behavior that is true to what I feel. I wonder if I can slowly extricate myself from this tendency?

Not sure if residency is supposed to feel this awful. So awful that I’m sending random messages into cyberspace.

Lonely on call. Still have a zillion notes to write.